What Funny Times We Live In
Someone forwarded this to me and it was a pretty good collection of quotes. I thought that instead of continuing the email chain letter I’d just post it here:
“Finally, a candidate who can explain the Bush administration’s positions on civil liberties…in the original German.” - Bill Maher, on Schwarzenegger running for Governor.
“President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn’t a Nazi, he wouldn’t have any credibility with conservatives at all.”- Bill Maher
“Yesterday, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he would run for governor of California. The announcement was good news for Florida residents who now live in the second flakiest state in the country.” - Conan O’Brien
“Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language.” - Conan O’Brien
“They’re saying Arnold will get 95% of the vote. At least according to his brother, Jeb Schwarzenegger.” - Craig Kilborn
“President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can’t pronounce Schwarzenegger.” - David Letterman
“Here’s how bad California looks to the rest of the country. People in Florida are laughing at us.” - Jay Leno
“Well, we’re all excited because President Bush has started his 35-day vacation. He’s down there in Crawford, Texas and on the first day of his vacation he went fishing. He didn’t find any fish, he didn’t find any lakes, but he believes they’re there and that his intelligence is accurate.” - David Letterman
“The White House released a videotape of President Bush meeting with his cabinet and today Iraqi officials say they believe the tape is authentic.” - Jay Leno
“The United States is putting together a Constitution now for Iraq. Why don’t we just give them ours? It’s served us well for 200 years, and we don’t appear to be using it anymore, so what the hell?” - Jay Leno
“President Bush held his first full press conference in over five months this week. He announced that the war on terrorism is continuing, much more work needs to be done on the economy, and Saddam Hussein has not yet been captured. And then he said, ‘I’m going on vacation for a month.’” - Jay Leno
“The White House says that the vacation in Texas will give President Bush the chance to unwind. My question is, when does the guy wind?” - David Letterman
“If you add up all the time he’s spent on the ranch, he’s spent more time in hiding than bin Laden and Hussein put together.” - Bill Maher
“President Bush’s economic team is now on their “Jobs and Growth” bus tour all across America. I think the only job they’ve created so far is for the guy driving the bus.” - Jay Leno
“President Bush has refused to declassify portions of the congressional 9/11 reports about the Saudis, because he says it will help the enemy. Not Al Qaeda, the Democrats.” - Jay Leno
Aaron found another good one:
Boredcast Message from soda!aaron (ttyH0) at 15:11 …
“As of yesterday, the Bush administration still hadn’t found the source of
the White House leak that outed a woman as a CIA operative. To recap, here
are the things President Bush can’t find: The source of the leak, weapons
of mass destruction in Iraq, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin laden, the link
between Saddam and Osama bin laden, the guy who sent the anthrax through
the mail, and his butt with two hands and a flash light.” Tina Fey